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Posted by on in Rev. Dr. Petra Weldes Blog
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Jumping off into the unknown inspite of fear - Aug 17

sunflower fields verlooking Lake GenevaOk, this is it!  Today I leave behind everyone I know and move out into the unknown of my sabbatical.  I've noticed on and off some moments of real apprehension throughout the week.  Each time it arose, I reminded myself to simply be present, in the moment, because I really didn't want to miss the experiences of this conference.  Staying in the "now moment" has been a tremendous help for me to stay "here", rather than be drawn off by a bit of anxiety about "there"

I had a wonderful conversation with Diane, Dennis Merritt Jone's lovely wife this morning at our last breakfast together about this.  We discovered a shared experience of finding that our lives, over the past 10-15 years had actually become smaller, more circumscribed.  Especially with kids, everything revolves around home and work.  Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth in the same circles.  She has worked to break out of the routine and the insidious little fear that holds us back, and now so am I

Looking back I realized that as Jason got into his teen years, he wanted to do more with his friends than his family, so we did less adventurous things.  As I got more sedentary physically, and perhaps more tired from work and home, I too found it easier to simply stay home, hang in front of a movie, or decide whatever excursion we were talking about was just really too much trouble.  This has led, unbeknownst to me, to a creeping, insidious discomfort with being uncomfortable.  And that has led to this very low level background fear of doing things outside of the ordinary routine, and doing them by  myself if no one wanted to come with me.

Saying yes to this sabbatical has been a wonderful opportunity for me to reclaim my adventurous side.  That part of me that's wiling to jump into an ice cold river from a 20 foot rock - just for the fulness of having the complete rafting experience.  I realized, that while I have grown in my ability to live with emotional discomfort - like having the hard conversation or being willing to confront my own unconscious behaviors - and with the ambiguity and uncertainty that we must  embrace in the psycho-spiritual process of maturing, I have become very uncomfortable with being uncomfortable in many other ways

So, today I say no to any fear that might stop me.  I say no to any unwillingness to get out of the box of my own comfort zone.  I say yes to adventure, and to those people, places and opportunities that invite me to live life to the fullest.  I say yes to embracing the exhilaration of jumping off into the unknown knowing that the Divine Presence and Principle is there to catch me.  I fall joyously into the more expanded someone I am becoming again!

Comments

  • Liza Lake
    Liza Lake Sunday, 19 August 2012

    Bon voyage on this next stage of your journey. You are held in love by so many. I look forward to reading more.

  • Spiritual Living with Dr Petra
    Spiritual Living with Dr Petra Tuesday, 21 August 2012

    Thanks Laza! Its been amazing so far.

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